Olga Tóth

Modern Behaviour, Traditional Values

 

Marriage or cohabitation?

During the long years of socialism, marriage was virtually the only form of partner relationship in Hungarian society. While extremely modern in proclaiming the equality of the genders, the social system was also very traditional. Until the beginning of the 1990s, in contrast to most Western European countries, 94- 95 per cent of the Hungarian population married at least once, and marriage took place at an early age. People married within two years of achieving their highest educational qualification, and their first child was born within a year of their marriage. The number of marriages was highest in the 1970s, with an average of 97,000 per annum; this figure had fallen to 43,800 by 2004. In 1990, the year after the socialist regime fell, 75 out of a thousand single girls at the age of 15 or over contracted marriage; by 2004, this figure had fallen to 32.
The foremost explanation for this homogeneous model of early marriage was economic. Hungary started out towards a market economy earlier than the other countries in the socialist block, and a rise in the standard of living was in evidence by the mid-70s. However, the only way to benefit from this was through a family model of two wage earners. Consumer goods were increasingly available, but they could not be acquired from a single salary. This was especially true when it came to home ownership or acquisition. While the Hungarian economy gradually opened out to the market, shortages were still evident. The main paths to home acquisition were either through building one's own or through allocation by either the local council or by the employing (state) company. In both cases the system assumed, and required, that applicants be married couples. Single individuals had no access to cheap state-owned flats or lowinterest loans, and they did not earn enough to build or buy their own homes. It was easier for married couples with children to acquire a home; for the purposes of allocation, only children born to married couples were taken into consideration. Nor should traditional views of the relationships between couples be overlooked. From the seventies onwards, there was an increasing tacit acceptance that sexual life began at an earlier age; at the same time, this was held to be acceptable only within the frame of marriage. Living together as an unmarried couple, in what was called a "wild marriage" (which had no status under law), was considered scandalous. In direct contrast to Western European countries, cohabitation was, up until 1990, a lifestyle common to the uneducated and to those of lower social status. The one exception here was the situation of widows who chose not to marry a new partner: this would have involved the loss of their widow's pension, the only source of income for many who had not secured a right to their own pensions. Society prescribed uniformity both materially and through its scale of values, and it exerted pressure upon the young to marry early and in a conventional manner. The unexpressed consensus was that the only correct form of an intimate relationship between couples was marriage. In the wake of the great change of 1989 came significant changes in marriage statistics. Currently, the decline in the number of marriages from year to year gives no little cause for concern. The figure for marriages contracted now stands at half its previous level. Concurrently, there has been a growth in the number of those cohabiting, as well as the emergence of a singles group. These changes can be explained through a combination of factors. One of the most important, and most striking, is the rise in the age of those contracting marriages. In the years leading up to 1989, men contracted a first marriage at an average age of 24.7, women at 22. By the year 2004, the average age had shifted to 29 and 26.5, respectively. The shift in age is connected to an increase in the number of women enrolled in higher education. The proportion of the population in (full-time) higher education has nearly tripled over the last fifteen years, and 54 per cent of those continuing their education are women. The traditional duties of a married woman do not accord with full-time studies, so the majority of women so engaged only contract marriage after taking their highest qualification. Education improves opportunities on the job market, affords greater choice and allows women to reject the traditional form of marriage. Similarly, the best educated and most career-oriented young women may not find a partner who comes up to their expectations. Another contributing factor to the lower marriage rate is that fewer people are marrying again after divorce. Divorced men and women do not necessarily envision a life shared with a partner as entailing marriage- if, indeed, they manage to engage in such relations at all. Although growing, the proportion of unmarried couples within the total number of longterm relationships is still much lower in Hungary than in Western Europe. According to the 2001 census, one in ten long-term relationships is in the form of cohabitation. This form is typical of younger people. In 2001, seventy-one per cent of women aged 15- 19 living with a partner were not married. (The comparative figure for 1980 was only 3 per cent.) In 2001, thirty-nine per cent of women aged 20- 24 living with a partner were not married, as opposed to the figure of one per cent in 1980 (Klinger, 1996; Census 2001).
People choosing to live together without contracting marriage can be grouped by age, previous marital status and their socioeconomic status. For financial reasons, widows continue to choose cohabitation rather than marriage. Chances of a second marriage are low for divorced women, especially if they are raising children, in which case they have difficulties in even forming a new relationship. There are a significant number of divorced women in their 30s who do not have partners and are raising their children on their own (Utasi, 2003). After divorce, more care is taken in choosing a partner, and simple cohabitation is preferred to marriage, which is assumed to be the greater commitment.
Many in Hungary are apprehensive about the new category of singles, seeing the emergence of this group as a sign of individualisation and selfishness. In fact, the young who opt for cohabitation as an alternative- or in opposition- to marriage, or who live independently without partners, can be subdivided into two disparate camps. One of these is the typical singles group of Western society. They are the most highly trained and best paid of their generation. Some continue to live in the parental home, leading a half-adult, halfchild life. As in the West, sociologists use the term "post-adolescence" to describe the phenomenon whereby some young people, either by choice or compulsion, delay their coming of age and thus the meeting of the socially accepted norms (a regular job, marriage, moving out of the family home). They enjoy the advantages afforded by the life of a young adult and a child at one and the same time. Some maintain a home of their own, but put off marriage and cohabit with a partner, or are not engaged in a long-term relationship. Nonetheless, this single status of a major proportion of twenty- and thirty-year-olds (a quarter of those in their twenties, a fifth of those in their thirties) without a stable relationship is new to Hungarian society. Most of these singles look upon their status as temporary and aspire to a lasting partnership. The largest segment of the young who cohabit or who have formed no long-term relationships is still composed of the least educated and permanently unemployed, living in rural towns, in regions that are economically backward. Men who are not earning and are out of employment do not get married- as such a status is contrary to the traditional family model. If a man does not have a stable job and a regular income, he will either not enter a serious relationship, or will choose a form of partnership involving the least commitment, since supporting a family is out of the question (Bukodi, 2004).
It is clear from the above that, over the last fifteen years, marriage and long-term relationships have been seen by the young as equivalent forms of family life. The question is how opinions and values in this respect have changed. Some research indicates that people consider the two forms of equal value on most counts (Pongrácz- Spéder, 2001). Marriage is seen as more suitable only as regards childcare and securing the goodwill of parents and the extended family. Other research, however, indicates that the majority of women in the 20- 34-year bracket still see marriage as the ideal form of family life (Spéder, 2005). An international comparative study carried out in 2003 showed conflicting results. Hungarians' judgment of cohabitation has demonstrably changed. (The study referred to here and throughout this article is the 2003 Family Module of the International Social Survey Programme, hereafter ISSP. This involved Hungary and 33 other countries, including those from North and Western Europe, post-socialist countries from Central East Europe and some non- European countries. The study in Hungary was carried out by the Central Statistical Office and used a sample of 1023 persons.) Three quarters of the Hungarian respondents agreed with the statement that "It is all right for a couple to live together without intending to get married." This acceptance of cohabitation without marriage is significantly higher in Hungary than in the surrounding post-socialist countries, though it is somewhat behind the Western European level. It is worth noting, however, that while 75 per cent accepted cohabitation without marriage, only 61 per cent favoured trial marriage, where couples try out living together before actually starting out on their married lives. The modernisation of behaviour and of the value system seems to have happened in parallel. Yet, marriage is still held in the highest esteem. Fifty-three per cent of the respondents agreed or strongly agreed that "Married people are generally happier than unmarried people." Thus, every second Hungarian saw marriage automatically bringing happiness. Among the European countries surveyed, only Russia, Bulgaria and Poland showed a similarly high positive response. People in Scandinavia and Holland are least in agreement (only 16 per cent in Sweden). It is also worthy of attention that a higher ratio of men were in agreement, indicating that the old stereotype of a greater number of women attaching happiness to marriage has fallen by the wayside. There was no significant difference by age group; thus, while the young in Hungary are behaving in much the same way as their Western European peers, they are also in agreement with their parents in considering those living in a marriage as happier. A majority of the younger generation also aspire to marriage as a settled form of life.

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Childbearing and childcare

As in other European countries, Hungarian society is aging. The decline in the birth rate has been an important political issue for years, and the number of children per family has been falling since the beginning of the 20th century. Serious concerns have been only raised repeatedly from the beginning of the 1970s, when annual deaths began to outnumber births, indicating a natural population decline. Even compared to the 1970s, with its annual average of 150,000 births, a significant decrease has set in. Only 95,000 children were born in 2004. As the marriage rate falls, cohabitation rises, and singles become a significant group. The chances of people deciding to have children are smaller, or the decisions are delayed. On average, in 1998, married women had their first child at the age of 25, but by 2004, the average age had increased to 27.5. The decision to conceive at a later age will, in the long run, mean fewer children in each family as women without stable partners or who delay establishing such a relationship will give birth to fewer children than those who marry young. In the last two years, there has been an annual increase in the number of recorded births, but it is too early to claim that this is a trend. Even here, a polarisation of Hungarian society can also be observed: 10- 15 per cent of the young now envision their lives without children, an opinion which never before found such strong expression, since society as a whole linked childbearing with marriage and being an adult. Still, there are also the young who plan on having many children, and not just young Roma respecting their own traditions, but also some of the highly educated young urban intelligentsia. Attitude surveys have always shown that childcare and child rearing have consistently been highly valued by Hungarians. The ISSP survey also supported this view. Two questions on attitude were posed as regards children. The first proposed that "People who have never had children lead empty lives."
This claim expresses a categorical evaluation, since it implies that the childless experience creates an unfillable absence in people's lives. Of the European countries, Hungary had an exceptionally high rate of respondents who agreed, well above that of other countries. Almost every second respondent strongly agreed (47 per cent), and 24 per cent agreed- a combined total of 71 per cent. Only one in ten respondents strongly disagreed. More women than men think that a childless person's life is empty. The postsocialist countries neighbouring Hungary are far more divided- split almost equally among those agreeing, taking a neutral position or disagreeing with the statement. This was the case in Poland, with a far higher proportion of practising Catholics than Hungary. The proposition was markedly rejected in Western Europe and Scandinavia, with two thirds of respondents disagreeing. Hungarian responses to the statement:
"Watching children grow up is life's greatest joy" were once again the most positive. This does not exclude the previous proposition, since it does not devalue the childless, but attributes much greater happiness to those who have children. This is perhaps why there was a very low negative response in Hungary and all the other countries in the survey. However, the Hungarian response was far more positive- with three quarters in strong agreement and 22 per cent in agreement- a staggering 96 per cent. In the light of these figures, there is a clearly marked discrepancy between behaviour and the values attached to bearing and rearing children. Hungarian families have had fewer children every year (with the exception of the last two), and this is in line with the European trend. At the same time, however, Hungary seems very traditional, very child-oriented in terms of ideals and values. All this is obviously contradictory, and explanations for it are not easily found. Some believe that if the economy were stronger and if mothers and young women in general were better protected on the job market, if child support were further increased, then young couples would stop putting off having children. Renewed political and financial support for childcare would clearly improve birth statistics. In the meantime, another explanation also suggests itself. The child orientation of Hungarian society as expressed in its value system may simply be a response to a strong normative expectation. People know what answers are acceptable and go out of their way to satisfy expectations. However, if bringing up children is regarded as the greatest, even the only, source of happiness, should it not be of concern that people here find little to be joyful about in life, apart from children? They do not value social relations, self-realisation, civic work, studies or other forms of recreation too highly. It would follow from this that seemingly positive child orientation expressed in their values may express the need to cover up what is missing from their lives.
Decline in the marriage rate and changing attitudes to the traditional form of family life have also affected the number of births outside of marriage. In the eighties, fewer than 10 per cent of children were born to parents who were not married; by 2004, however, the figure had risen to 34 per cent, a trend especially marked in the number of women below the age of 20, who have their first child prior to marriage. Naturally, a significant number of births to the unmarried involves a couple living together and not a single mother. Together with cohabitation, Hungarians have come to accept children born outside of marriage (so long as they are born to people living together as partners). According to the ISSP survey, less than half the respondents agreed with the statement "People who want children ought to get married." (No less than 36 per cent strongly disagreed.) For women, childbearing and marriage are more closely linked. A larger proportion of women believe that couples who are planning to have children should get married. Here, Hungary is in the middle of the European scale. Approximately the same number of countries show a greater readiness to accept children born out of wedlock than those taking a more negative stance. Actual behaviour and values, therefore, coincide on this issue.

Olga Tóth
is a Senior Research Fellow at the Institute of Sociology of the Hungarian Academy of Sciences. Her work is in the fields of family, gender and generations, and she has published on these topics in English and Hungarian.